The Mother
I was awakened by a jolt. It was a terrifying dream.
Standing in a corridor of doors, I saw door after doors, it was never ending. On each door, there was a plate which read, 1, 2, 3 and so forth. Being the curious person that I was, I opened one. And to my horror, I saw my life being played back.
Shock soon gave way to something deeper. I started to envy that time of life. That time was a time where I had never knew such a thing as pain. It was a time where my life was just filled with happiness, nothing less.
Yet as I proceeded, it turned out to be a nightmare, but before I have a chance to really enter the door of my age, I was awakened.
Looking around, absorbing my surroundings, I realized I was in a hospital. Questions after questions poured through my brain, like a waterfall. There was no one around me. Sitting alone in the room for a few seconds was scary to me.
When the door opened, I let out a breath of relief. Regardless who it was, I was grateful. It was my mother. When she saw that I was awake, tears started to flow down her cheek. “Rain, thank god that you’re finally awake. I’ll go call the doctor.” I was astonished. Was this really my mother? I didn’t think she was ever capable of emotions.
My whole life, I have been surrounded by people who feel they have to put up a front. Seeing them not show their feelings, I soon learnt it all. In school, Ice Queen was a name I often had to put up with. Friends were something that I had yet did not have. All of that changed when Sunny came into my life.
True to his name, Sunny chased away my clouds. He brought sunshine in, and for the first time, I felt that there was actually something worth living for. He cared for me like no one had before. Showering me with love, care concern, something I had wished for eternity.
Come to think of it, where was he? I would have to ask my mother about it. Oh, speak of the devil, my mom came in with the doctor. While the doctor checked me, I asked my mother where Sunny was.
Once the word Sunny came out of my mouth, I saw a complete change in my mother. In her eyes, I saw anger, which turned to sadness, then to an emotion in which I could not identify with. A thousand and one questions poured in yet again. She approved of the relationship already, no? So why were there such emotions in her? Ouch, my head started to ache.
Seeing me grab my head, my mom started to ask if I was okay. Yet another surprise, man this day was full of surprises, I thought to myself. This was the concern I wanted, but how ironic, it is given when I no longer need it.
The door burst open and the man of my dreams walked in. Looking at his eyes, I realized the love in them was gone. In its place, there was anger. Inwardly I thought anger? Why? Did I do something wrong? Why was the love of my life treating me this way?
Once she saw him, my mother tried desperately to push him away. She pleaded with him, saying, and “Look at her? For you she has committed suicide, can’t you just leave her alone now?”
The words of my mother shocked me, me committing suicide? Was it possible? Just as those thoughts flew past, a picture followed it. In it, I saw myself slashing every part of my body. Slashing till there was a pool of blood, and there I lay, bleeding to death.
I was both appalled and yet amazed. I never thought I would ever have such courage. Then I thought who was it that found me? Was it my mother? What a shock it must have been for her.
I looked at my mother, at that time; she was huddled at a side crying and muttering. Between her sobs and muttering, I could sense a deep sense of guilt, remorse over her inability to be a proper mother to me.
Ever since my dad passed away, I saw my mother change. She became obsessed with her work. She was a woman who was so very brave. By using her work, by transforming into a woman with power, she used it to conceal her pain.
But when I looked at her now, all former glory was gone. My eyes finally opened and I saw this woman who was just like any other woman. Yet here was one who has failed miserably as a mother. And because of that, she is filled with guilt and remorse. I see her filled with pain due to her inability to fulfill her duties
Life is a very strange thing. In the past, I used to search for any emotion, for care and concern. Had wanted it so badly, I went to the first thing that showed me the least of it. I gave my life to a boy as naïve as me. I hurt myself in the process. But I never could see that all I wanted was right in front of me, in the form of my mother
It’s true my mother can be emotionless at times. Yet, I have failed to see that it is all a façade. My mother was trying to be strong so as not to hurt me. She did all of that due to her love for me, and yet there I was criticizing the highest of love. Calling her love as something which was the worst ever. Not realizing the true value of it
The grass is always greener on the other side. But the grass on this side is all you would ever need in life.
Standing in a corridor of doors, I saw door after doors, it was never ending. On each door, there was a plate which read, 1, 2, 3 and so forth. Being the curious person that I was, I opened one. And to my horror, I saw my life being played back.
Shock soon gave way to something deeper. I started to envy that time of life. That time was a time where I had never knew such a thing as pain. It was a time where my life was just filled with happiness, nothing less.
Yet as I proceeded, it turned out to be a nightmare, but before I have a chance to really enter the door of my age, I was awakened.
Looking around, absorbing my surroundings, I realized I was in a hospital. Questions after questions poured through my brain, like a waterfall. There was no one around me. Sitting alone in the room for a few seconds was scary to me.
When the door opened, I let out a breath of relief. Regardless who it was, I was grateful. It was my mother. When she saw that I was awake, tears started to flow down her cheek. “Rain, thank god that you’re finally awake. I’ll go call the doctor.” I was astonished. Was this really my mother? I didn’t think she was ever capable of emotions.
My whole life, I have been surrounded by people who feel they have to put up a front. Seeing them not show their feelings, I soon learnt it all. In school, Ice Queen was a name I often had to put up with. Friends were something that I had yet did not have. All of that changed when Sunny came into my life.
True to his name, Sunny chased away my clouds. He brought sunshine in, and for the first time, I felt that there was actually something worth living for. He cared for me like no one had before. Showering me with love, care concern, something I had wished for eternity.
Come to think of it, where was he? I would have to ask my mother about it. Oh, speak of the devil, my mom came in with the doctor. While the doctor checked me, I asked my mother where Sunny was.
Once the word Sunny came out of my mouth, I saw a complete change in my mother. In her eyes, I saw anger, which turned to sadness, then to an emotion in which I could not identify with. A thousand and one questions poured in yet again. She approved of the relationship already, no? So why were there such emotions in her? Ouch, my head started to ache.
Seeing me grab my head, my mom started to ask if I was okay. Yet another surprise, man this day was full of surprises, I thought to myself. This was the concern I wanted, but how ironic, it is given when I no longer need it.
The door burst open and the man of my dreams walked in. Looking at his eyes, I realized the love in them was gone. In its place, there was anger. Inwardly I thought anger? Why? Did I do something wrong? Why was the love of my life treating me this way?
Once she saw him, my mother tried desperately to push him away. She pleaded with him, saying, and “Look at her? For you she has committed suicide, can’t you just leave her alone now?”
The words of my mother shocked me, me committing suicide? Was it possible? Just as those thoughts flew past, a picture followed it. In it, I saw myself slashing every part of my body. Slashing till there was a pool of blood, and there I lay, bleeding to death.
I was both appalled and yet amazed. I never thought I would ever have such courage. Then I thought who was it that found me? Was it my mother? What a shock it must have been for her.
I looked at my mother, at that time; she was huddled at a side crying and muttering. Between her sobs and muttering, I could sense a deep sense of guilt, remorse over her inability to be a proper mother to me.
Ever since my dad passed away, I saw my mother change. She became obsessed with her work. She was a woman who was so very brave. By using her work, by transforming into a woman with power, she used it to conceal her pain.
But when I looked at her now, all former glory was gone. My eyes finally opened and I saw this woman who was just like any other woman. Yet here was one who has failed miserably as a mother. And because of that, she is filled with guilt and remorse. I see her filled with pain due to her inability to fulfill her duties
Life is a very strange thing. In the past, I used to search for any emotion, for care and concern. Had wanted it so badly, I went to the first thing that showed me the least of it. I gave my life to a boy as naïve as me. I hurt myself in the process. But I never could see that all I wanted was right in front of me, in the form of my mother
It’s true my mother can be emotionless at times. Yet, I have failed to see that it is all a façade. My mother was trying to be strong so as not to hurt me. She did all of that due to her love for me, and yet there I was criticizing the highest of love. Calling her love as something which was the worst ever. Not realizing the true value of it
The grass is always greener on the other side. But the grass on this side is all you would ever need in life.
posted by watnonsense at 12:07 AM
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